Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

Awkward

Went to the Creighton vs. UNL Basketball game the other night (fab game in case you missed it) and the guy next to Terry un-latches his belt, I guess in an effort to either loosen or tighten it....an action to which Terry responded with, "That isn't something you want to see."

Precisely.

Tip - if you belt is too tight or too lose, please find a discrete way to adjust it.

Sims

As I finally sit on Thanksgiving eve, pumpkin pie cooling in the kitchen, broccoli salad ready to be eaten, I decide to play Sims Bustin' Out (yes I'm fully aware I'm about 10 years behind on catching the Sims bus).......after playing the game for an hour or so I truly can't decide if I love or hate the game.

I love it because not only do I get to be in total control of someone (which, let's face it, is my big dream), I get to be in total control of a dumb, white-trash chick hand model. I love it because it makes me realize that life could be worse.....my name could actually be Wendy, I could trot around town in a halter top on a scooter and I could be living with a jobless, idiot of a roommate named Mimi.

I hate it because instead of living a life - I'm watching a life being lived. I hate it because for some stupid reason it takes Wendy two hours to take a bath and get dressed. I hate it because I lose complete track of time when playing - when on the game it has been three days.....I feel like I've been playing for 30 minutes…..yet somehow close to two hours has passed....

I both love and hate it because I have found that I am fully capable of playing it with no effort lying on the couch after a few glasses of wine.

I can see why people become addicted to this game.......but, I think in the end, I will choose to actually go visit friends, go shopping and show up for my job instead of living vicariously through "Wendy" - after all I'm in control.

Big Toys

The street outside of my house was closed for 24 hours so they could set-up this huge-ass crane....they were doing something to the Nelnet building. I think it took them longer to disassemble the crane than anything they did to the building.

A Little Creepy

Nothing like a photo of Jason A. and Kevin B. starring at you in the bathroom. Ruby Tuesday's is awesome!

Classy

Went to CA again....somehow got the handicapped room, hence the fancy toilet.

Weird Crap

This was outside of the "trash room" door. I'm not sure if those are pickles or not....but I didn't want to get close enough to find out.

Entertainment

I'm guessing that the punks who shot out my car window thought it would be an entertaining event. I know I was entertained vacuuming glass out of my car at 1:00 am.....it was an absolute ball to attempt to drive with a trash bag for a window only to have the wind take it as its victim....and I could hardly contain my bounding thrill and enjoyment as I drove to Lincoln with no window, never mind the freezing point wind chill.

Good times.

Franky is Ready for Winter!

I See Crap!

Shoes, shoes, shoes and shoes.....oh, yeah...and peace. What a great crap day!

The Search is Over...

I've found Franky's Halloween costume....he can't wait to go trick-or-treating!

It was a Crapful Day!

The other day I came home to not one neighbor, but two neighbors with crap outside their door! I about cried.

The crap: a dishwasher and a brick.

While the dishwasher was gone in a couple of days, the brick remains....I think it might be permanent crap!

Working with Creative Types

Knowing my love for Office Space, my co-workers left this for me to find in my office on my birthday.

Happy Birthday to Me, from Me.

After convincing others to purchase a Dyson, because as we all know - it is the vacuum that doesn't lose suction, I finally bought one for me. When it arrived, I, of course, vacuumed. It had been five days since vacuuming with my Dirt Devil and this is the result:




Needless to say....I'm happy with my purchase. :)

How Thoughtful...

Orchids for my birthday!

Wedding Entertainment

Went to wedding recently where they used stones and flowers as decorations on the tables. Obviously, they put them there so Terry and I could be entertained.

Damn You VH-1....

for sucking me into watching two hours of the worst songs ever...i try to move, i want to go to bed...but i just can't....just ten more to go.....damn you and all count-down shows to hell!

It's a Crap Day - Hooray!

Praise the Lord there's crap!

As you know, my old crap-leaving neighbors moved last summer. The good news, however, is that they set a precedent for leaving crap......so sometimes, on real lucky days, my other neighbors will leave some crap outside their door! It is never left for long, and rarely exciting....but I'll take what I can get.

Get Out and Drive!

Have a great Memorial Day!

Is he Dead?

No.....he's just hoping someone will feel sorry for him and pay him some attention.

Thumbs Up

Tyson says the beer is A-OK!

New Toy

I'm not going to lie to you.....it is awesome. It's okay if you're jealous....most people are. :)

Hero Dog vs. Franky

The opponent: A Search and Rescue Dog





He gave Franky a good fight........but didn't make it in the end:

Joe in the Spring

Chapter 5 - Two Weeks Left

Well....he (see Chapter 4) did call. Long story short, we've gone out, we chat regularly and we have plans to go out more....good times.

My match.com subscription is up in two weeks, which means that in less than three months I met a normal....no, make that more than normal, guy.

Even if "he" and I don't "work out" - I must say that I am the last person to believe that I could have met someone smart, fun and charming on an online dating service. I guess you learn something everyday. :)

Chapter 4 - This Might Actually Work

Just got home from meeting with a guy that I met on match.com. We enjoyed several hours of conversation, and not once did he annoy me, shock me or ask me about the number of sexual predators living in my town.

We both indicated that we'd like to meet again.....this shall be the test.

Online Dating Tips - #6

If you winked last month and I didn't respond...chances are I'm not going to respond when you wink this month. I'm the same person I was a month ago and I'm assuming you are too.

Online Dating Tips

1. When telling me about yourself via email and say that you are intelligent and have an intellectual sense of humor, you may want to spell intelligent and intellectual correctly.

2. Abercrombie & Fitch is a store, not an interest.

3. If my profile says I went to UNL, and I mentioned in an email that I went to UNL, don't ask me if I went to Creighton.

4. The town listed in your profile should match where you actually live.

5. Check out Log In For Love on TLC (Friday, 9 pm) - it is nice to know online dating is providing humorous stories for thousands of other people.

Chapter 3 - Are You Kidding Me?

I recently received the below message from a match.com member. On top of this outlandish email, his profile says he is 44 and looking to meet someone his age or five years younger. Apparently not only is he shallow, he is really bad at math since I'm clearly more than five years younger than him.

His message:
Nicely written profile. And you are cute........to boot. Being single in Nebraska isn't hard. Its all what you make of it and someone as good looking as you should be having fun with it. Allow me to assist you in that venture sometime in the near future...........mmmmmmm, such as joining me for a drink at Mistys or Pears or the Sidetrack. I promise to keep you entertained all night.

Do you risk it? Go for it.

Chapter 2 - Matt

Well, I'm two for two on match.com. I was winked at by a guy in Omaha, Matt I'll call him.

I took the leap and sent him an email in response to his wink. Not only did he respond, but his email was well written and a good read. We emailed back and forth a few times, each email exceeding the previous in length and entertainment. We finally exchanged phone numbers and after a couple of messages we engaged in a phone conversation lasting over an hour. I was excited that I had met someone with whom I felt on a similar conversational level, and a person who I could speak to for this amount of time without being annoyed....even once.

The phone conversation ended with him asking if we could meet for a drink. I agreed. He said that he would call me in a few days to set something up.

That's the last I heard from him.

Makes complete sense to me.

Too Much?

Number one sign you might use your DVR a little too much.....while watching TV, you pick up the remote to fast forward through the commercials and when it doesn't seem to be fast forwarding you try again......and a third time.....and it is only then that you realize you are watching live TV.

Oh.....it's one of those days.

Progressive Dinner

Attended a Progressive Dinner Friday night.

Photos here - thanks to Randy!

Quick overview: We arrived at a Downtown hotel around 6:30 pm, were split into three groups (mine was Group B, the most fun group of course) and then ushered onto a Limo Bus (aka The Party Bus). Once on the bus we cracked the champagne and dropped the first group at their restaurant and drove to the second, which is where my group was dropped. We enjoyed fab appetizers, drinks and good ole' fashioned conversation.

Knowing that we had drunk all of the champagne, a couple of us ran to the gas station next door to pick up some beer. Once on the bus again, we were shuttled to our second restaurant where we were served soup, salad and another drink. They switched out buses on us so our beer was AWOL.....but we did have new bottles of champagne. We arrived at our last place to be served steak, salmon, potatoes and beans....and another drink. Back on the bus....stop at a liquor store for more beer...and back downtown for dessert....and more drinks. I think you get the idea.

Some of my fondest memories and quotes of the evening:

"No, seriously, what is this pole for?"

Jessica and me running in heals and dresses to buy beer.

"Wow! There's a cooler back here to hide our beer!"

Randy bartering with the liquor store clerk over the price of a bottle opener.

The fact that somehow I was deemed the DJ and light controller in the bus.

Me seeing TJ take money out to tip the driver and thinking that if TJ is doing it, it must be the right thing to do....so I tipped the driver.....I think.

Me stealing the bottle opener out of Randy's coat.

Chocolate up my nose.

The fact that the next day I had a container of strawberries and chocolate in my fridge.

Good Times

Chapter 1 - Dirk

I had my first "face-to-face" meeting with a fellow match.com member. We had emailed several times and seemed to have decent conversation. On a Wednesday, we decided to meet for coffee the following Saturday. We continued to converse a bit between Wednesday and Saturday. By the time Saturday rolled around I had talked to him enough to realize we were not going to click. For one thing, he had proved to have the listening skills of a deaf dog and seemed to only have about three stories to tell…..over and over.

I, however, went through with the meeting….mostly hoping it would provide good content for my “book.”

He (I’ll call him Dirk) and I live in different cities that are about 50 miles apart (me in Lincoln and him in Omaha). I was going to Omaha to visit a friend on Saturday so we arranged to meet for coffee beforehand.

I arrived at the coffee house a few minutes early so I purchased my drink and found a table, one that fits four so we weren’t forced to sit too close. He arrived a few minutes later – we shook hands, said hi and so on. He stood in line for a minute and then came back to my table and asked me, “So, what’s good here?”

I wanted to say, “Well, since it is a coffee house, I bet the coffee is good.”

I refrained.

Instead I asked him if he likes coffee, to which he said, “No, I just thought you might have some recommendations. I usually drink hot chocolate.” I suggested that he buy hot chocolate.

This isn’t brain surgery.

We talked for a bit, getting to know each other a little better. As we’re discussing family I tell him the town where most of my family lives. He asks where that is and I tell him it is about 150 west of Omaha. He then proceeds to say, “I went to college in Wayne is that close to where your family is?” Well, since Wayne is north of here (and I would think one would know that if they spent four years there) and I just told you that my family lives west of here….um, no…..idiot.

At this point I check my watch, figuring our time was about up. I felt my stomach drop when I realized that I had 45 minutes to go.

I said that when I hang out with my friends we mostly go out get a drink and have good conversation. Apparently this translated into me being a party animal and him feeling the need to share a drinking story. Always a good idea when meeting someone new. He proceeded to tell me about this time in college when he and a friend were out drinking. They both get up to go to the bathroom. Once inside they realize that the urinal is out of order and only one stall is open. So his friend uses the stall and then, as a joke, keeps Dirk from getting into the stall to go. Since he had to go so bad he decided to just pee in the drain on the floor. (This is not a picture that I needed painted in my head) Three times while telling that story he stopped, looked around and then said, “I shouldn’t be telling you this.”

He was right.

Then, pretty much out of the blue, he says to me, “Doesn’t Lincoln have a high population of sexual predators?”

I looked at him with what I’m sure what the blankest stare possible as he proceeded to say, “Well, it seems that I’ve heard a bunch about that in the news lately. I mean, are the laws really relaxed there?”

I can’t think of something that is more odd and creepy to say to someone when you first meet.

Well done, Dirk, well done.

The Signs

Signs that your "Fly by the Seat of Your Pants" evening has become a little too Fly by the Seat of Your Pants:

1. "Hey, let's go get a kamikaze at Cliffs" sounds like an excellent idea.

2. You order a kamikaze.

3. You drink about half of your kamikaze before dumping it into Jessica’s glass while she is in the bathroom.

4. You order an Old Fashioned, even though they are out of oranges, just so you can use the bourbon to get rid of the pixie stick-like sugar overdose left by the kamikaze.

5. You wake up on the couch at 5:00 am – clothes on, lights on, Full House on the TV and the dog starring at you.

Good Times.

Book in the Works

I've always wanted to write a book. I started several in high school but, being that I was only 16; I never finished any of them.

I still dream of being published, I suppose that is one of the things that attracted me to starting a blog.....published with no chance of rejection.

While I'm not sure this will ever lead to a book, I have done something that will provide ample content for an entertaining essay style hard-bound…..or my blog at the least.

I recently joined match.com. First, I will say it is work! I've never had to think so hard on what to say knowing it may be the only chance I get to make an impression - and let's face it I'm the type of person who sometimes needs more than one chance.

If you are not familiar with the service, you set up a profile, tell a little about yourself, the type of person you want to date and upload anywhere from one to 24 photos, yes 24 photos! I put in my profile that my "date" should be within a certain age range, in Lincoln or within a specific distance away and other factors such as education, smoking habits, etc.

You can set search criteria and see who comes up, a snippet with their photo and "headline" appears and then you can click on them to view their full profile. If you are interested in learning more, you can "wink" at them or send them a message and see if they respond.

In the short time I've been a part of this "service" I've had many moments that led to me express a confused look, cock and my head and say, "what the hell...."

The first person who "winked" at me was five years older than my maximum age (although going by his photo I think he lied as he appeared even older) and spends all of his time with motor sports, aka NASCAR and motorcycles. Not to be a complete snob (which, those of you who know me, know I am)....GIVE ME A BREAK! Good thing I signed up for a term that was more than 24 hours, because based on this response I would have withdrawn!

Today, I was winked at by a guy whose home is 150 miles away (my limit is clearly stated at 50 miles) and under “job” states, "I'm currently deployed to Iraq but hope to be home in October." Um......what part of "within 50 miles" makes you think I'm going to be interested in you when you are in IRAQ!? I know, how selfish, I mean all I would need to do is hop on a plane to war-torn Iraq.....geesh.

If nothing else, this will teach me to deal with rejection - as of 5:00 pm today, 203 men had viewed me, and about eight had actually winked or sent a message. I don't like those odds.........

This will certainly be an adventure. I'll let you know when the book is done. :)

Saturday Night Date

Went to dinner and enjoyed quality time with this cutie Saturday night.