Chapter 1 - Dirk

I had my first "face-to-face" meeting with a fellow match.com member. We had emailed several times and seemed to have decent conversation. On a Wednesday, we decided to meet for coffee the following Saturday. We continued to converse a bit between Wednesday and Saturday. By the time Saturday rolled around I had talked to him enough to realize we were not going to click. For one thing, he had proved to have the listening skills of a deaf dog and seemed to only have about three stories to tell…..over and over.

I, however, went through with the meeting….mostly hoping it would provide good content for my “book.”

He (I’ll call him Dirk) and I live in different cities that are about 50 miles apart (me in Lincoln and him in Omaha). I was going to Omaha to visit a friend on Saturday so we arranged to meet for coffee beforehand.

I arrived at the coffee house a few minutes early so I purchased my drink and found a table, one that fits four so we weren’t forced to sit too close. He arrived a few minutes later – we shook hands, said hi and so on. He stood in line for a minute and then came back to my table and asked me, “So, what’s good here?”

I wanted to say, “Well, since it is a coffee house, I bet the coffee is good.”

I refrained.

Instead I asked him if he likes coffee, to which he said, “No, I just thought you might have some recommendations. I usually drink hot chocolate.” I suggested that he buy hot chocolate.

This isn’t brain surgery.

We talked for a bit, getting to know each other a little better. As we’re discussing family I tell him the town where most of my family lives. He asks where that is and I tell him it is about 150 west of Omaha. He then proceeds to say, “I went to college in Wayne is that close to where your family is?” Well, since Wayne is north of here (and I would think one would know that if they spent four years there) and I just told you that my family lives west of here….um, no…..idiot.

At this point I check my watch, figuring our time was about up. I felt my stomach drop when I realized that I had 45 minutes to go.

I said that when I hang out with my friends we mostly go out get a drink and have good conversation. Apparently this translated into me being a party animal and him feeling the need to share a drinking story. Always a good idea when meeting someone new. He proceeded to tell me about this time in college when he and a friend were out drinking. They both get up to go to the bathroom. Once inside they realize that the urinal is out of order and only one stall is open. So his friend uses the stall and then, as a joke, keeps Dirk from getting into the stall to go. Since he had to go so bad he decided to just pee in the drain on the floor. (This is not a picture that I needed painted in my head) Three times while telling that story he stopped, looked around and then said, “I shouldn’t be telling you this.”

He was right.

Then, pretty much out of the blue, he says to me, “Doesn’t Lincoln have a high population of sexual predators?”

I looked at him with what I’m sure what the blankest stare possible as he proceeded to say, “Well, it seems that I’ve heard a bunch about that in the news lately. I mean, are the laws really relaxed there?”

I can’t think of something that is more odd and creepy to say to someone when you first meet.

Well done, Dirk, well done.